Author Betty Kuffel, MD
Sexual predators are men with a sense of entitlement who look for vulnerable victims and do everything they can to avoid apprehension. They may be patient and bide their time. Whether the predation occurs in the workplace or in a dark alley, the predator waits for the right victim, the right time, and in a place where they won’t be caught. Most sexual predators are males and often have many victims. They are serial rapists who cover their actions by lies and threats.
When sexual fantasies ignite and accelerate their desires, they prowl, looking for the victim that excites them and fits the person in their fantasies. Offenders want compliant victims who can’t defend themselves. Isolation, drugs and alcohol are common components to rape. Once the act occurs, the offender may use coercion, threats, blackmail or violence to prevent exposure of the act.
Sexual fantasies are only a part of assaultive behavior, a strong component of predation is a need for power and control. These men are often arrogant, objectify women and may be in a relationship or married. Most are attracted to adults and will prey on people in need. They may offer help, but in the process, force themselves into a woman’s life, cutting her off from friends, isolating and controlling her every move.
I grew up in a small town, in a loving protective family, naïve and complacent until repeated exposure to the criminal element through my work in emergency medicine. Over years, I was threatened, and became more cautious. Stalking episodes led me to marksmanship classes, carrying a weapon or pepper spray, and more recently to Krav Maga self-defense classes.
A great book teaching personal safety behaviors, providing scenarios and protective actions is The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. I purchased many copies, and have given them to relatives and friends. I highly recommend the book for all women. Men would benefit, too.
It wasn’t until many years later, after I began research for the book Eyes of a Pedophile that I learned three members of my family were raped by pedophiles. And, that my great grandfather was an incest perpetrator who impregnated his daughter and raised the offspring as one of her siblings.
Many women have told me of rapes that occurred years earlier, often decades earlier. An incident in the news recently stimulated me to write this blog and clarify how common it is that victims of rape and incest don’t tell.
Of those I interviewed, all of them were afraid. Each circumstance was different, but they did not report due to shame, fear of retribution and fear of not being believed.
All of them carried anxiety and shame that impacted their personal lives. Exposing the truth at a safe time in their lives was beneficial, a weight was lifted. Of the three in my family, one rapist was a church camp counselor, the other two were prominent citizens, well-known in the small community and friends of the family. If the victims had come forward, I doubt that they would have been believed.
Now is the time to report sexual abuse and incest.
Now is a time for healing.
Years later, after the statutes of limitations have run out, prosecution is not possible, but retribution and shaming of the perpetrator, not the victim, can occur.
Rape must be reported. Properly performed rape evaluations can provide DNA evidence and make conviction more likely. After a sexual assault, important treatment for sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy prevention must be considered. My recent booklet on contraception, contains essential information for men and women. It contains a section on prevention of STDs, treatment of infection and how to reduce the risk of sexual assault.
Be safe.

Amazon link
Contraception, STDs, Rape reporting
A sexual assault hotline is: 1-800-799-HOPE
Or online information: https://rainn.org/
RAINN is the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network
A valuable source of information is from Harborview Center for Sexual Assault and Traumatic Stress.
https://depts.washington.edu/hcsats/PDF/infobrochures/sexual_offenders.pdf
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Sexual Harassment
Exposure of sexual harassment behaviors and violence against women is finally being discussed. I am delighted that Time Magazine chose Time Person of the Year as the Silence Breakers. The Voices that Launched a Movement.
In the past, many aggressive unwanted behaviors, touches, grabs, kisses and more, were tolerated and discounted. “Boys will be boys” or “he’s a jock” are no longer excuses for grown men who in positions of power coerce subordinates into unwanted undesirable destructive situations.
In this evolving atmosphere, bad behavior by men will be less likely hidden, but that is only part of the story. No one is talking about incest, one of the most destructive forms of sexual aggression against children, both males and females. The young victim is held captive by circumstances and cannot escape. The family often knows and does not report due to shame, financial dependency on the abuser, or status in the community.
When researching the true crime book (Eyes of a Pedophile) I wrote about a famous violent pedophile, and at book presentations, I frequently met people who divulged sexual abuse never before disclosed. The women I spoke with expressed a marked feeling of relief after talking about rapes that sometimes occurred decades earlier. The Twitter #MeToo has given victims the courage and confidence to talk about sexual violence they had hidden over a lifetime and begin recovery.
The Movement exposing harassers and rapists opens dialogue for men, women and children. Norms of behavior begin in childhood. What exactly is acceptable behavior? Children who learn violence in the home often mirror behaviors they see. Lack of respect, verbal harassment, physical violence and sexual violence are destructive at all ages. Those who have suffered abuse are often left with vulnerabilities and symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that last a lifetime.
Eyes of a Pedophile Ebook is on a special discount for $3.99, available on Amazon. Extensively researched medical and psychological details explain what is known about child predators and shows how to recognize pedophile behavior and help protect children.
Betty Kuffel
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